How Friendships Blossom

I thought a lot about friendships this year. I wondered about how it all started, how strangers become friends. I don't understand what makes that connection. How some people come and stay. And others drift away, and I don't even realise. It's strange how we build relationships seemingly overnight. Why do we hold on to some people and let go of the rest? It almost feels like a subconscious decision, I don't choose who I keep, I just know the ones I don't mind losing. That sounds awful, but it's how it is. I wonder if the ones I would choose to keep would choose me too.

I remember a sunny day in May a couple of weeks after I moved to Bangalore. I walked to the park and met a group of girls. We stood in a circle in front of the swings and talked about things 10-year-olds found important. We still laugh when I tell them how shocked there were at my height. Vidya looked up at me when she found out I was in her grade, I'll never forget those wide eyes. And that's how it began, they were my group for the next three years. We played in the park, went to school and it seemed as though we were never apart. We never were. My last summer, there we spent every moment together. Then, I left. The book ended, that what it felt like. Abhiram's in Germany now. Rishika moved away. When I imagine our L lane now, I imagine it looks a little lonely. I don't know if it's true, maybe I'm afraid to find out.

I don't remember them often but I had a group of friends before leaving for Bangalore. In school, there were a lot of us. We would throw volleyballs around and spend our lunch breaks trying to get on the swings (the older kids would never get off). We worshipped stones, cause we were young and found joy in everything. They remained in Vidya Valley, our school when I took the flight to Bangalore. I met them sometimes when I came back, but it was awkward. They were still a group and I was...not. I used to spend every day with them, and now they're somewhere in the same city but we're aren't talking.

There were also friends who reconnected after I moved back. I met them after years and we started talking like I left yesterday. I suppose that's not entirely true. I arrived at Archita's house in the morning, expecting an awkward interaction which I would somehow escape by afternoon (sorry Archita). That was before I found out that she liked One Direction too. It's a crazy way to reunite with friends, but that's how we started talking again. I often think about how it would've turned out if one of us didn't like One Direction. It's strange that our friendship was kind of built on them. (Thanks guys) She left for Singapore a couple of weeks ago, but I'm not worried this time. When she comes back, we won't need a boyband to talk about. (We could still talk about them though)

I look through my Instagram sometimes and realise that their pictures are sprinkled all over it. Gourika, Archita and I. I wrote a letter to Gourika on her birthday a year ago, I confessed how much I rely on her sometimes. Some friendships are hard to put into words, but there's a picture of me in my bedroom and I'm wearing her jacket. It reminds me of how safe I feel when I'm with her. Some friends you need because you know that if you fall back they'll catch you. She'll catch me, she has a couple of times. I would catch her too.

Sometimes, friends just show up. I didn't notice when Sanjana and I became close. All I remember is a day in December when I was home with a cold, and she called me to tell me about a fight our friends had had. We haven't stopped talking since. A couple of months later, we curled up on the floor at Mahi's house and talked in the early hours of the morning and I thought, "I guess this is what best friends do," We became a unit, inseparable. When I moved schools again, I left the rest of our group behind. All I have with them now are disconnected chats on Instagram and birthday stories.

I have stories with them too. I remember how a couple of weeks after school I turned from my assigned seat one day and started talking to Shirin. Or how Bhavika and I spent so much time in a line for a haunted house in Imagica only to be disappointed cause it was terrible. In 9th grade, I only had Manasi in my class. We were isolated and separated, it was strange and new. I relied on her. She was all I had when they didn't call us to that one sleepover. We got through it together. To an extent, I haven't figured out how to get over it completely. It's meaningless really, it always was. But sometimes it's 1:00 am and I wonder what people think of me. And then it's all I could think about, the sleepover I wasn't invited to.

I have new friends now. The people I chat with during online school. I talked to Savi last week, and she said she couldn't believe I had only joined last year. I agreed with her, it felt like I'd known them forever. So now I talk about our classes with Devika and send memes to Shreya. Riddhi calls me once in a while and we talk about everything under the sun. They're my group now. I found comfort in this new school, something I didn't know I was missing before.

I haven't figured it out yet, how friendships blossom. I don't know what it takes for two people to connect. But maybe that's the beauty in it. Human relationships aren't based on code or rules. They just happen. And sometimes all you're left with are the memories. The memories of playing in a school ground before assembly, or singing Love Story in a school corridor, or dancing to YMCA while on break during a MUN conference. You know what? Maybe that's enough.